What to Do the Week Before Your Wedding

The week before your wedding is not the week to make it better. Most couples treat it like crunch time - a final push to nail every last detail. That is the wrong frame entirely.

By this point, the wedding is built. The work you are doing this week is not construction. It is closing. You are confirming, distributing, paying, and handing off. That is it.

If something is not done by now, it is either still getting done (in which case you are project-managing it) or it is not happening (in which case you need to make peace with that). The category you are not in is still-time-to-fix-it. Not for the big things.

This week has one job: confirm that every person who is supposed to show up knows where to be, when to be there, and what they are doing when they arrive. That is all this week is.

Call or email every vendor - florist, photographer, caterer, band or DJ, transportation, hair and makeup. Not to micromanage. To confirm: the venue address, the arrival time, any last details they need from you.

Most vendors will say they already have it. Great. You have now verified that. The ones who have a question will surface it while you still have a few days to answer it.

Do not skip this step because you assume they have it handled. Assumptions are where things go wrong.

If you do not have a written day-of timeline by Tuesday, stop everything and write one. It does not need to be elaborate - start time, vendor arrival times, ceremony time, cocktail hour, reception start, key reception moments, end time.

Print copies. Give one to your officiant, one to your planner or coordinator or most organized family member, one to the venue contact, one to your photographer. Keep one for yourself.

A timeline that exists only in your head stops existing the moment the morning starts going differently than you planned.

Figure out what you owe and to whom. Pull out the contracts. If any final payments are due day-of or within the week, write the checks or set up the transfers now.

For tips: cash, day-of, per vendor. General ranges - photographer: $200-$500. Caterer or catering staff: 15-20% of the catering total if gratuity is not already included in the contract. Florist: $50-$200. DJ or band: $100-$300 per member. Hair and makeup: 15-20% of the total. Officiant: $50-$200 if not clergy. Transportation: 15-20%.

Put each tip in a labeled envelope. Ask a family member to hold them and distribute them at the appropriate time. You will not remember to do this on the day itself.

Every single task that needs to happen on your wedding day should have a named person responsible for it. The corsages go to the right family members: who is handing them out? The guest book needs someone at it for the first hour: who? The gifts need to be loaded into a car at the end of the night: whose car, who is loading?

Write the list. Assign names. Tell those people before the rehearsal that they have the job.

If you are thinking it will just get figured out in the moment - it will not. Something will fall through. The question is just which thing.

The rehearsal does one thing: it runs the ceremony. That is all it is for.

It is not for addressing people's anxiety about the seating chart. It is not for resolving which family members have to coexist. It is not a working dinner where you walk through logistics. It runs the ceremony. Processional order, where people stand, when people sit, when people move, the exit.

If someone has a question that is not about the ceremony, the answer is: let's talk after. Mean it.

The rehearsal dinner is a dinner. It is not a planning meeting. If you are tempted to turn it into one, delegate whatever is making you anxious and then put the phone away.

New things. If you have not added something to the wedding by now, do not add it. No new centerpiece ideas, no new vendor, no rethinking the song list.

Social media. The week before is when anxiety turns into over-posting. Post whatever you want but notice if you are doing it to manage feelings.

Other people's anxiety. In the week before the wedding, everyone around you will have feelings. Some of those feelings will attach to you in the form of questions, suggestions, and concerns. You do not need to absorb them. "We've got it handled" ends most conversations.

The seating chart after Wednesday. If you rearrange people after Wednesday you will introduce more problems than you solve. Unless someone cancels, leave it.

Pre-apologizing. Stop preparing speeches about what might go wrong. Nothing needs a preemptive apology.

Eat a real meal. Not at the rehearsal dinner where you are talking to everyone - at some point in the day, eat something and actually taste it.

Pack your day-of bag. What you need with you during the ceremony and getting ready: the rings, the vows if you wrote them, your ID and any legal documents you need for the ceremony or license, phone charger, any medication, lipstick or whatever you reapply.

Sleep. You will not sleep well. Do what you can.